Redprisma

  Following inescapable uncertainty Earth once flat moving round like sunshine candy dripping with excitement on asphalt upon which left behind hopes once traveled Gazing into the white horizon blinded  by possibilities Unsure of the route Uncanny wagon wheels rolling Over and over and over and over and over and over Breathing future dust composed of ghosts that yearned for visions hungry souls devour ravenous for escape

Nibbling. Their absence is strange. A familiar lobster scent reminded me once of travels from last fall. The salted breeze warmed me then, but that was not what drew me in through the window. It was the smell of lobster that reminded me of the fisherman's calloused hands, and the wind set in a sail destined for heaven. Had she been here, I would have never dared to venture in. I eat to my heart's content. Then fly. In the distance, I notice the bell tolling in the sunset. And the rush of people moving through the narrow streets like the lifeblood running through veins.

Redprisma http://prismcell.blogspot.com/

There is infinite unity. Somewhere in the abyss of space and time there is a circle of light. This light is both too small to see and too large to understand. Here in the light, exists everything. Everything that is and everything that was.  Dying by Alex Gray, 1998 We see this place sometimes. In our dreams or in the eyes of another the light becomes exposed. We reach out hoping to capture it. Like a treasure, which can be claimed and possessed, we cover it with our hands and we hold on to it, but all we do is create a shadow as our hands grasp thin air.  It begins with seeing the light. At first it is strange, unusual and distant. When it gets close it streams through the gaps between our fingers, blinding us. We are afraid so we try to shield ourselves. But the light is more powerful than us, it can penetrate deeper than anything we can possibly use to block it. When it touches our bodies we become enlightened and embraced. We finally realize, we are...

Object to be Destroyed by Man Ray Time passes each day.  I look up at the sun Thinking "God, I can't stare too long." The insanity of this life is like drowning. Frowning into your eyes I see Perhaps you can never become My father, though you are my dad. Through you I once saw God, And the lies made me so sick, The transmission so clouded and fuzzy, That my sight became blindness And my thoughts poisonous lies. Now I house a spirit which is both furious And awakening. It burns away all the rubbish And defeat. I look at the sun thinking, "God I can't stare too long." But I stare anyways, Burning my eyes until I see something worth looking at.

Your words held me prisoner.  Like Andy Dufresne, I was held captive despite my innocence. Like him, I was a convict of the circumstances. A convict living within the boundaries of your mind. And I peered out of the cage, Always dreaming of the Pacific that remembers nothing. I dreamt of a wave that would wash away my memory as it crashed. I could have looked upon this as inevitable, Just bad luck, and perhaps it was. But I dreamt so vividly of a life with possibilities And I wondered how it could have ever been reality. We are not victims of circumstance, We are warriors in our own lives. Sometimes holding nothing But words on a crinkled page.

Your words hold me prisoner. Like Andy Dufresne, I am held captive despite my innocence. Like him, I am a convict of the circumstances, A convict living within the boundaries of your mind And I peer out of the cage Always dreaming of the Pacific that remembers nothing. I dream of a wave that will wash away my memory as it crashes. I could look upon this as inevitable, Just bad luck. Perhaps it is. But I dream so vividly of a life with possibilities And I wonder how this could ever be reality. We are not victims of circumstance, We are warriors in our own lives. Sometimes holding nothing But words on a crinkled page. And perhaps your shield is too thick, To ever be pierced.

I was watching Alien for the first time last night in preparation for the movie Prometheus, and as the ship officer Kane was being ripped open by a newborn alien it dawned upon me that I HAVE to see more of the "classic" movies. I was mind blown. For a movie that was produced in 1979, I couldn't believe how awesome this was.  I realize now what a poor job the people who raised me have done in educating me in American pop culture. I also realize there are bigger priorities than this, but I have to say I've been severely denied. So many times in my life during a rather pleasant discussion, someone will say, "Its like in that movie _______." And all I have to offer to the conversation is a nod and a stare in the fruitless hopes they don't recognize the complete and total blank in my head. Usually, people notice. And then usually I'm left feeling (for lack of a better word) just dumb. So in the upcoming excess of free time I will have after graduatio...

Awakening. I’m awakening. Opening my mind up to the world. Releasing my pain. Balloon. It floats. Pop in the silent atmosphere. Streaming. Plastic. My pain is plastic now. Little streamers of plastic. Nothing. Particles in the grand magnificence of the universe. Love. My heart beats. Every moment, precious. Every moment sacred. A Smile.

When I took creative writing this semester, my professor asked the class, "Why would we write if the process to getting published is so full of rejection and so difficult?" The class had little to say. She then said, "We do it because we can't live without writing." I know that I'm a writer because I really can't live without writing. The feeling of having that good pen on some paper and just pouring out thoughts and feelings is such a cathartic relief. There are journals half full a quarter full laying around my apartment and though I'm not sure of much in my life, I know that I'm a writer. I know I can't live without writing. :D

Is there such a thing as a soulmate? An age-old question. Sure there is. But it is realized only in retrospect. I've made the mistake of seeking my soul mate, and I feel that such a thing is impossible. The best you can do is find a person who is special to you, makes you sincerely laugh (from the depths of your stomach, not just a hahaha). When I look back on past relationships I don't see a soulmate. How exciting! :D

Christmas this year was better than usual. There was lots of food, fun, and family. I couldn't help but smile watching the little kids open their gifts with sheer excitement. It was better than opening my own. Christmas has given me a little glimpse of hope for the future. At this point so much is uncertain. There are a million things that are unsolved and up in the air. But one thing I do know is that each moment is important. Perhaps amongst all the worry and uncertainty the Higher Being is trying to show me how to live in the moment, plan for the worst, and hope for the best. Thinking about my future gives me the feeling that I ate too much pepperoni. Burning, uneasy, and a strong desire to run to the toilet and throw up. I have friends who have their futures planned out well. And some that don't. I often question my ability to be a leader in my own life. There are so many books, articles, and magazines out there which are supposed to help you become more confident, asse...

I have to say that this

You. You think you're going to. But you're not. Things are different now. Now I can say no. Or walk away. I will stand here I will not hide My feelings are clear No illusions. Control is an illusion. You have nothing. Even though you have everything. I can't be bought. Power is an illusion. I know what you're thinking. And its sad but its true. I don't think you're thinking. What I am. So walk away. Just turn around. I'll be sad. But I know its not for me. When I close the door. Don't come back. It's hard to say it, Because my heart wants to comfort you. But it will only hurt.

You. You think you're going to. But you're not. Things are different now. Now I can say no. Or walk away. I will stand here I will not hide My feelings are clear No illusions. Power is an illusion. I know what you're thinking. And its sad but its true. I don't think you're thinking. What I am. So walk away. Just turn around. I'll be sad. But I know this is not for me. When I close the door. Don't come back. It's hard to say it, Because my heart will want to comfort you. But my comfort will only hurt you.

You just stood there that day. You said you were sinking. My heart beat eagerly just to touch you. And have an adventure. But you just looked at your boots, Then at me. Confused. Puzzled. I ran into the ocean because it was warmer than you, In December. You were so uncomfortable, I wondered if you were even a man. But you weren't. I know a man would have followed me in. He would have taken that opportunity. I'll never understand it. Why that moment wasn't with you. When I stood in the gray ocean And felt the waves on my warm thighs. Splashing. A dripping shirt tail. How I wanted to catch a good one this time.

Time passes, Iron decays, My purpose is fading, my structure eaten away. See the way I cry when I'm put to work? It only eats at me more, It only hurts. Everyday I wait for the moment, when they will take me off this wall and I cease to ferment. The fires of hell I hear men speak, sound wonderful and pleasant, Oh what a treat! To be rid of this rust, This dust and blue, To be awakened and reborn, To be once again anew. What could be worse than flame? For so many seem afraid. To remain stagnant, To always be the same.

For every heart there is a musician that can play the strings just right, For every day there is light, For every bird there is flight. For every hand fits a glove that can block out the cold, For every young there is old, For every crease there is a fold. And if our souls should ever part, A tide of grief would flood my heart.

Still I fear love will fade away, And still I fear the past in today. And still I fear my heart will crack, turn into dust and never look back. Still I fear you might disappear, Into that water that runs so clear. Through your soul & veins, Through your roads & lanes, Within the driving mind that I adore, In the love that leaves me wanting more. But when you smile at me it all melts away, like the setting sun in the dusk of day. And when we kiss the stars align, the constellations into a heavenly sign. And when I tightly hold your hand, The warmth spreads out across the sand, That God used and molded into me, That love abused and froze in the sea. To scream and run and dance and sing, To be with you means everything. Don't leave me in your complacent crust, Don't just stand there and let me rust. Pull me in and never let go. Embrace the fire that burns so slow. And when you come home, come home to my heart. Please open the door, please ta...