Redprisma

When I took creative writing this semester, my professor asked the class, "Why would we write if the process to getting published is so full of rejection and so difficult?" The class had little to say. She then said, "We do it because we can't live without writing." I know that I'm a writer because I really can't live without writing. The feeling of having that good pen on some paper and just pouring out thoughts and feelings is such a cathartic relief. There are journals half full a quarter full laying around my apartment and though I'm not sure of much in my life, I know that I'm a writer. I know I can't live without writing. :D

Is there such a thing as a soulmate? An age-old question. Sure there is. But it is realized only in retrospect. I've made the mistake of seeking my soul mate, and I feel that such a thing is impossible. The best you can do is find a person who is special to you, makes you sincerely laugh (from the depths of your stomach, not just a hahaha). When I look back on past relationships I don't see a soulmate. How exciting! :D

Christmas this year was better than usual. There was lots of food, fun, and family. I couldn't help but smile watching the little kids open their gifts with sheer excitement. It was better than opening my own. Christmas has given me a little glimpse of hope for the future. At this point so much is uncertain. There are a million things that are unsolved and up in the air. But one thing I do know is that each moment is important. Perhaps amongst all the worry and uncertainty the Higher Being is trying to show me how to live in the moment, plan for the worst, and hope for the best. Thinking about my future gives me the feeling that I ate too much pepperoni. Burning, uneasy, and a strong desire to run to the toilet and throw up. I have friends who have their futures planned out well. And some that don't. I often question my ability to be a leader in my own life. There are so many books, articles, and magazines out there which are supposed to help you become more confident, asse...

I have to say that this

You. You think you're going to. But you're not. Things are different now. Now I can say no. Or walk away. I will stand here I will not hide My feelings are clear No illusions. Control is an illusion. You have nothing. Even though you have everything. I can't be bought. Power is an illusion. I know what you're thinking. And its sad but its true. I don't think you're thinking. What I am. So walk away. Just turn around. I'll be sad. But I know its not for me. When I close the door. Don't come back. It's hard to say it, Because my heart wants to comfort you. But it will only hurt.

You. You think you're going to. But you're not. Things are different now. Now I can say no. Or walk away. I will stand here I will not hide My feelings are clear No illusions. Power is an illusion. I know what you're thinking. And its sad but its true. I don't think you're thinking. What I am. So walk away. Just turn around. I'll be sad. But I know this is not for me. When I close the door. Don't come back. It's hard to say it, Because my heart will want to comfort you. But my comfort will only hurt you.

You just stood there that day. You said you were sinking. My heart beat eagerly just to touch you. And have an adventure. But you just looked at your boots, Then at me. Confused. Puzzled. I ran into the ocean because it was warmer than you, In December. You were so uncomfortable, I wondered if you were even a man. But you weren't. I know a man would have followed me in. He would have taken that opportunity. I'll never understand it. Why that moment wasn't with you. When I stood in the gray ocean And felt the waves on my warm thighs. Splashing. A dripping shirt tail. How I wanted to catch a good one this time.