Christmas Day / The Future
Christmas this year was better than usual. There was lots of food, fun, and family. I couldn't help but smile watching the little kids open their gifts with sheer excitement. It was better than opening my own.
Christmas has given me a little glimpse of hope for the future. At this point so much is uncertain. There are a million things that are unsolved and up in the air. But one thing I do know is that each moment is important. Perhaps amongst all the worry and uncertainty the Higher Being is trying to show me how to live in the moment, plan for the worst, and hope for the best.
Thinking about my future gives me the feeling that I ate too much pepperoni. Burning, uneasy, and a strong desire to run to the toilet and throw up. I have friends who have their futures planned out well. And some that don't. I often question my ability to be a leader in my own life. There are so many books, articles, and magazines out there which are supposed to help you become more confident, assertive, and "balanced". Oh how I wish to be one of these people. My better half says this with sincerity, and my lesser with sarcasm. I guess it doesn't matter which half says it, they say the same thing. The only difference is that one is hopeful, and one hopeless.
When I was a kid, I used to think life would be better elsewhere. If I were in another place, I wouldn't have to deal with the issues that I had to face. This couldn't be further from the truth. Issues are always going to arise. They never stop. If there's one thing that's certain in this life, its that there will always be problems.
When I think about my future now, I feel that the best decision would be to put myself in a place which has problems I feel I can face. My depression has been around for a long time, and I feel it is because I've had problems I felt powerless to solve. The difference now is that I can solve them. Each choice I make determines many different aspects and outcomes of my future. If nothing else, making good choices should be about benefit and progression. Not selfish means and stagnation.
There's so much to say, but I will end with this. I took this excerpt from another blog I looked at on Magpie Tales today. Though I don't remember who it belongs to, I thank you for posting it nonetheless.
"How we got here, got us here, and here is what we make of it. Sometimes it hurts and sometimes, it is all worth it. Would I change anything? Some days, maybe. Then, though, I might miss out on this."
This is exactly how I feel.
Christmas has given me a little glimpse of hope for the future. At this point so much is uncertain. There are a million things that are unsolved and up in the air. But one thing I do know is that each moment is important. Perhaps amongst all the worry and uncertainty the Higher Being is trying to show me how to live in the moment, plan for the worst, and hope for the best.
Thinking about my future gives me the feeling that I ate too much pepperoni. Burning, uneasy, and a strong desire to run to the toilet and throw up. I have friends who have their futures planned out well. And some that don't. I often question my ability to be a leader in my own life. There are so many books, articles, and magazines out there which are supposed to help you become more confident, assertive, and "balanced". Oh how I wish to be one of these people. My better half says this with sincerity, and my lesser with sarcasm. I guess it doesn't matter which half says it, they say the same thing. The only difference is that one is hopeful, and one hopeless.
When I was a kid, I used to think life would be better elsewhere. If I were in another place, I wouldn't have to deal with the issues that I had to face. This couldn't be further from the truth. Issues are always going to arise. They never stop. If there's one thing that's certain in this life, its that there will always be problems.
When I think about my future now, I feel that the best decision would be to put myself in a place which has problems I feel I can face. My depression has been around for a long time, and I feel it is because I've had problems I felt powerless to solve. The difference now is that I can solve them. Each choice I make determines many different aspects and outcomes of my future. If nothing else, making good choices should be about benefit and progression. Not selfish means and stagnation.
There's so much to say, but I will end with this. I took this excerpt from another blog I looked at on Magpie Tales today. Though I don't remember who it belongs to, I thank you for posting it nonetheless.
"How we got here, got us here, and here is what we make of it. Sometimes it hurts and sometimes, it is all worth it. Would I change anything? Some days, maybe. Then, though, I might miss out on this."
This is exactly how I feel.
"How we got here, got us here, and here is what we make of it." So profound. How we got here and where we are going is anyone's guess and too many do that for our own good. What we make of it? Well, there seem to be plenty of choices but not as many as the textbooks would have us believe and really as you now know, depression comes when we compare our messy thought processes with others whose (equally messy) thoughts are hidden from us. Happy 2012!
ReplyDeleteHaha, great point. Putting others on a pedestal doesn't actually raise them up, it just makes us smaller.
ReplyDeleteHappy 2012 yourself! May you have a blessed year.
I like the comment from Ray and I like how you said 'better than opening my own'. So many things are like that. I think its the outcome of love;) You are blessed to have a wonderful mother, and her writing gene lives on! Great honesty here. That's what keeps it real!
ReplyDeleteHappy New Year.
Thank you Janet. :)
ReplyDeleteSuch a beautiful insight into your soul. Thank you for sharing it. ♥
ReplyDeleteThank you for reading!
ReplyDelete